Dear Friend,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing someone to suicide is a pain like no other—a storm that rages within, leaving you drenched in confusion, guilt, and heartache. But you’re not alone. Let’s walk this path together, step by step:
Your emotions are a tangled web—anger, sadness, guilt, and that relentless “why?” echoing in your mind. It’s okay to feel all of it. There’s no right way to grieve. Suicide grief is different. It’s layered with guilt, anger, confusion, and a relentless search for answers. Understand that your emotions may be intense and conflicting. Allow yourself to feel without judgment. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Talk to someone: A friend, a family member, or a Grief Coach or a Therapist. You don’t have to carry this weight alone. I strongly suggest connecting with others who’ve lost someone to suicide, it can be healing to know that the complexity that goes with suicide and the complexity of your emotions are understood by others. Support Groups, social media groups that you can talk with others They get it—the sleepless nights, the unanswered questions, the what if's.
This grief isn’t straightforward. It’s complicated, messy. You might feel stuck, unable to move forward. That’s okay. It’s normal and universal when facing grief due to suicide. So, be patient and kind to yourself. You couldn't control their actions. You're not to blame. This alone is a difficult thing because of your closeness to the person you love. You have to be patient and kind to yourself when blaming is involved.
Celebrate the laughter, the shared secrets, the love. This is who they are, this is where to focus during times of overwhelming sadness.
Create rituals such as light a candle, write letters, visit their favorite spot, share their story and break the silence about suicide. because it opens the opportunity to talk toothers about mental health.
Seek professional help if you need it, Grief Coaching can be a safe space to unravel your emotions. I can't think of any greater reason to reach out for professional help than when you are dealing with deep loss. Seek Traditional Therapy and Counseling if you need. Reach out to others who have walked this path and attend walks or services being set up for your loved one. It helps believe it or not.
Healing takes time.
There’s no rush, and I dare to say that you won't magically be healed from grief, how could you? Grief isn't something you get over, but rather you learn to live again along side it. Be gentle with yourself and spend time taking care of yourself. Maybe you’ll find purpose in your pain—advocacy, helping others. Remember, healing isn’t a straight line or something you can just do by following some steps or directions. Some days will be harder than others. But gradually, you’ll find moments of peace amid the chaos. You’re stronger than you know.
With compassion,
Laurel Kay
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